Inner Realm Life 101 |
LIFE 101
JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS VS.
JUMPING TO TRUTH
By Coach Cary Bayer
www.carybayer.com
Recently, I received a private message on Facebook from an author who
accused me of having “low moral fiber.” She didn’t say why, she just insulted
me. Not knowing why, I inquired as to what motivated her attack. She explained
that I was conducting a workshop that, she said, ripped off her book. Ah,
something specific.
So I went on the Internet to find out when she published her book—a book, I’
d never read a page of, nor had ever seen. It turned out her book was printed in
February of 2009. The workshop of mine that she claimed that I developed as a
rip off of her book, was launched in April of 2008. So, the facts are that I was
publicly teaching my class nearly a year before her book became public.
If it ever dawned on her to research when my class was introduced she
never would have made such an accusation. Asking me a simple question like,
“When did you introduce your workshop?” would also have told her that my
teaching preceded hers. But she either never thought to do such things or found
it easier to jump to conclusions and accuse.
By jumping to conclusions, she reminded me of Christ’s parable about the
builder who erects his home on sand. When rains and tide come it gets
destroyed. So do accusations based on faulty premises.
What I found even more shocking than this author’s quick accusation
against me was her unwillingness to respond to my Facebook message to her,
which explained clearly that I had been public with my workshop nearly a full year
before her book. Instead, she fell silent. While her Facebook postings were
rapid when she was accusing me, they ceased once she learned the facts. It’s
been nearly two weeks now. I have a strong feeling that if you ask me two years
from now if she has responded, I would probably have to say no.
What is the “Life 101” lesson in this story? Let me sum it up as follows:
1. Do your research before you accuse someone of something, especially if
it’s as heinous as “low moral fiber.”
2. If you accuse someone of something only to discover that your accusation
is wrong, you should quickly—I mean like in a New York minute—withdraw the
accusation. And if you’ve shared your accusation of someone with others, you
owe it to the person whom you’ve wronged to let the others know that you were
wrong. In other words, be as quick to right the wrong as you were when you
made the other person wrong in the first place. Said differently: be as attached to
admitting that you’re wrong as you are attached to being right.
3. Sincerely and humbly apologize to the person whom you’ve wronged.
4. Jumping to conclusions makes great premises for sitcoms—see I Love
Lucy--but they kill relationships.
Instead of jumping to conclusions, jump to research, and jump to
finding out the truth. And if you’ve ever wronged someone in the past, jump to
apologize.
JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS VS.
JUMPING TO TRUTH
By Coach Cary Bayer
www.carybayer.com
Recently, I received a private message on Facebook from an author who
accused me of having “low moral fiber.” She didn’t say why, she just insulted
me. Not knowing why, I inquired as to what motivated her attack. She explained
that I was conducting a workshop that, she said, ripped off her book. Ah,
something specific.
So I went on the Internet to find out when she published her book—a book, I’
d never read a page of, nor had ever seen. It turned out her book was printed in
February of 2009. The workshop of mine that she claimed that I developed as a
rip off of her book, was launched in April of 2008. So, the facts are that I was
publicly teaching my class nearly a year before her book became public.
If it ever dawned on her to research when my class was introduced she
never would have made such an accusation. Asking me a simple question like,
“When did you introduce your workshop?” would also have told her that my
teaching preceded hers. But she either never thought to do such things or found
it easier to jump to conclusions and accuse.
By jumping to conclusions, she reminded me of Christ’s parable about the
builder who erects his home on sand. When rains and tide come it gets
destroyed. So do accusations based on faulty premises.
What I found even more shocking than this author’s quick accusation
against me was her unwillingness to respond to my Facebook message to her,
which explained clearly that I had been public with my workshop nearly a full year
before her book. Instead, she fell silent. While her Facebook postings were
rapid when she was accusing me, they ceased once she learned the facts. It’s
been nearly two weeks now. I have a strong feeling that if you ask me two years
from now if she has responded, I would probably have to say no.
What is the “Life 101” lesson in this story? Let me sum it up as follows:
1. Do your research before you accuse someone of something, especially if
it’s as heinous as “low moral fiber.”
2. If you accuse someone of something only to discover that your accusation
is wrong, you should quickly—I mean like in a New York minute—withdraw the
accusation. And if you’ve shared your accusation of someone with others, you
owe it to the person whom you’ve wronged to let the others know that you were
wrong. In other words, be as quick to right the wrong as you were when you
made the other person wrong in the first place. Said differently: be as attached to
admitting that you’re wrong as you are attached to being right.
3. Sincerely and humbly apologize to the person whom you’ve wronged.
4. Jumping to conclusions makes great premises for sitcoms—see I Love
Lucy--but they kill relationships.
Instead of jumping to conclusions, jump to research, and jump to
finding out the truth. And if you’ve ever wronged someone in the past, jump to
apologize.
Cary Bayer is a Life Coach, based in the mountains in New York (845-679-5526) and by the ocean in south Florida (954-788-3380), who's worked with Oscar-winner Alan Arkin, David Steinberg, and Quality Inns, and has helped people make their dreams come true since 1973. He founded The Breakthrough Aerobics Inner Workout, teaches Transcendental Meditation, coached hundreds of people, and authored more than two dozen publications, including The Prosperity Aerobics. You can reach him by email at successaerobics@aol.c om or can visit him on the web at www.carybayer.com http://www.carybayer.co m/personal_coaching.ht ml Cary Bayer is a New York Based Life Coach who conducts a private practice less than 60 minutes from Albany, Woodstock, Kingston, Poughkeepsie, New Paltz, and just 90 minutes from Manhattan, etc. You can find him at www.CaryBayer.com and reach him at successaerobics@aol.c om |
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