WABI SABI LOVE Q&A
with author ARIELLE FORD
Wabi Sabi Love is uplifting and full of the truth about what it takes to keep
love alive.”
--Christiane Northrup, M.D., author of New York Times bestseller Women's
Bodies, Women's Wisdom
What is Wabi Sabi?
It is an ancient Japanese art form that honors all things old, weathered, worn,
imperfect, and impermanent by finding the beauty in the imperfections. For
instance, if you had a large vase with a big crack down the middle of it, a
Japanese art museum would put the vase on a pedestal and shine a light on
the crack, or they might fill the crack with 24k gold!
Wabi Sabi Love is devoted to exploring the simple, fun, and effective ways to
apply this concept to our love relationships through stories and exercises that
demonstrate how to attain groundbreaking shifts in perception so that you can
embrace and find the beauty and perfection in each other’s imperfections. I
call this “going from annoyed to enjoyed”!
Why did you write this book?
My previous book, The Soulmate Secret, unveiled the principles for attracting
love. I found that my married friends were asking me for a book that would
“turn my mate back into my soulmate.” One of the greatest myths in our
society is that once we find our soulmate, our relationship will be effortless.
If only! According to psychologist and researcher Dr. John Gottman, nearly
every happily married couple has around ten irreconcilable differences. The
top two are money and kids. The other biggies are sex, in-laws, housework,
communication, balance between home and work, and political views. Wabi
Sabi Love is a book that offers ways to turn conflict into compassion and
create a more loving relationship. It shows you how to cultivate love for
yourself and your partner, especially on the days when one of you is acting
out, refusing to listen, or shutting down.
What is the benefit of Wabi Sabi Love?
Here are the sad but true facts about marriage today: 50 percent of first
marriages, 67 percent of second marriages, and 74 percent of third marriages
all end in divorce. Modern-day society has conditioned us to seek perfection,
which leads to an ongoing state of frustration and dissatisfaction. In truth, we
all know that perfection is not possible. But with Wabi Sabi Love, we can
come to appreciate our own and the other’s imperfection, and can actually
experience a more natural state of grace than we thought possible.
By practicing Wabi Sabi Love, you learn to accept the flaws, imperfections,
and limitations—as well as the gifts and blessings—that form your shared
history as a couple. Acceptance and its counterpart, understanding, are
crucial to achieving relationship harmony. It’s the highest form of love, and,
like most things worth striving for in life, it requires patience, commitment,
personal responsibility, and practice. Imagine how great you will feel when
you know your partner loves all of you all the time—the good, the bad, and
everything in between!
You believe couples should wear “rose-colored glasses” when it comes
to seeing each other. Why?
Research by Sandra Murray, a psychologist at the University of Buffalo,
reveals that putting on “rose-colored glasses” and idealizing our partner
actually leads to more happiness and satisfaction in relationship. In fact, the
happiest couples focus on what’s right and not on what’s wrong. This is also
known as the Pygmalion effect, the phenomenon in which the greater the
expectation placed upon people, the better they perform. It’s a form of self-
fulfilling prophecy. As mature adults, we get to choose our thoughts and
beliefs; so why not intend and expect the best out of ourselves and our
partners?
How do you “go from annoyed to enjoyed” when your partner does
something that truly makes you crazy?
First, you must be willing to make a shift in your perception and see your
mate’s behavior through a new, gentler, and kinder lens. Chances are, you
see their behavior as “wrong or bad,” but imagine for a moment that this
behavior exists solely to teach you how to become a more loving,
compassionate person. Can you find the gift of that behavior? One of my
favorite stories in the book is about a couple named Ed and Deb. Ed loves to
meet new people and tell silly jokes. Deb has heard all of these silly jokes a
million times and is often annoyed because when they are out and about
running errands, she always ends up waiting for him while he is busy
entertaining strangers. One day, after Deb found herself waiting for Ed for
the third time in less than an hour—and her frustration was reaching new
heights—she observed Ed befriending a lonely little boy sitting on the curb
waiting for his mother. She heard Ed say to the boy, “How does a camel hide
in the desert?” The boy gave him a quizzical look, and then Ed delivered the
punch-line: “Camelflage.”
With that, the boy burst into laughter just as his mother approached, giving
Ed a big smile. It was at that moment that Deb, after a decade of marriage,
finally got Ed’s true nature. He wasn’t trying to make her crazy at all. He just
wanted to make people happy. And on that day, Deb found the beauty and
perfection in what once made her nearly insane!
What steps can readers take immediately to become more loving?
It all comes down to choice. We can choose to find our partner’s behavior
really annoying, or we can peer behind it to what’s really going on.
Sometimes that requires taking a deep breath and a step back to look at the
Big Picture. Humor really helps.
THE WABI SABI LOVE QUIZ
HOW WABI SABI ARE YOU?
Wabi Sabi is an ancient Japanese art form that honors all things old,
weathered, worn, imperfect, and impermanent by finding the beauty in the
imperfections. Arielle Ford’s new book, Wabi Sabi Love: The Ancient Art of
Finding Perfect Love in Imperfect Relationships, shows you how to find the
beauty and perfection in your own and your mate’s imperfections.
Take this quiz to find out where you fall on the spectrum of Wabi Sabi Love.
Are you a perfectionist?
A) Yes—all the time, about nearly everything.
B) Most of the time.
C) Not really.
If you walk past a frame on a wall that is slightly askew, you:
A) Must straighten it immediately.
B) Notice it but keep walking and eventually straighten it.
C) Rarely notice it, but if you do, it doesn’t bother you.
Your spouse has some quirky behaviors or traits that you find:
A) Annoying to the point of
unbearable at times.
B) Unattractive, and you wish
you could change them.
C) Unusual, but they make him
or her even more loveable!
When your partner engages in one of his or her idiosyncracises (laughing too
loudly, tailgating,picking lint off your shoulder), you:
A) Cringe and then criticize him or her.
B) Silently judge your partner but usually keep quiet.
C) Make a joke or light of the situation.
How true is this statement for you?: How my partner behaves and treats me
determines whether or not I am happy.
A) Yes, this is true for me.
B) Often this is true for me.
C) Rarely this is true for me.
Your partner has a passion for something you can’t stand (fishing, watching
football, video games, shopping, etcetera). Your usual response is:
A) To encourage him or her to give
it up, and you refuse to participate.
B) You don’t like it, but
you begrudgingly give your
partner the space to indulge his
or her passion.
C) You decide to find a way to
join in the fun in a way that
works for both of you.
Your partner cheats on you. He or she is really sorry, agrees to go to
counseling, and is desperate to find a way to regain your trust and make your
relationship work. Your response:
A) No possible way.
You Cheated. We’re done.
Zero tolerance rule applies.
B) You might be open to
counseling, but a liar is a liar,
and you are pretty sure you
can never trust them again.
C) You are hurt, but in your
heart believe that everyone deserves a second chance.
You and your partner are travelling when you discover your partner has
forgotten his or her passport at security. You:
A) Berate your partner for being
so careless.
B) Get mad, but quickly move
into action mode to retrieve it.
C) Race back to security to
ensure your partner can fly
with you.
Your favorite movie is on one channel; your partner’s favorite show airs at
the same time. You:
A) Tell your partner to watch it
on the other TV.
B) Flip a coin to see who wins.
C) Offer a compromise to
record one and watch the other first.
You and your partner have many significant issues that you disagree on. This
means that:
A) You are essentially
incompatible and probably
shouldn’t even be together.
B) These are often points of
conflict, but you are doing
your best to find ways to
compromise.
C) You don’t have to agree
on everything to be happy together.
RESULTS
Total up the number of answers you have for:
A’s ____
B’s ____
C’s ____
If your answers are mostly A’s:
Learn how to be more accepting of the imperfections in yourself and others—
read Wabi Sabi Love today!
You are a perfectionist and highly value structure, order, and having things
“just so.” You may even find things that are not “perfect” painful to see, hear,
or observe. Embracing the Wabi Sabi concept of finding beauty and
perfection in imperfection will be a real challenge for you, but it is essential to
establishing lasting happiness in your relationship.
If your answers are mostly B’s:
You’re not quite there yet, but reading Wabi Sabi Love will help you become
a full-fledged Wabi Sabi artisan.
Finding beauty and perfection in imperfection may sound a little odd to you,
but with some practice, you can increase your level of joy, wonder, and
happiness by viewing you and your partner in your natural light!
If your answers are mostly C’s:
Congratulations! You are a natural when it comes to Wabi Sabi Love. This
book will reinforce your beliefs and expand your appreciation for the
imperfect. Your Wabi Sabi Love artisanship is contagious; so be sure to share
it with others wherever you are. As the saying goes, love makes the world go
’round. Thank you for doing your part!
To learn more, please visit www.WabiSabiLove.com ;
with author ARIELLE FORD
Wabi Sabi Love is uplifting and full of the truth about what it takes to keep
love alive.”
--Christiane Northrup, M.D., author of New York Times bestseller Women's
Bodies, Women's Wisdom
What is Wabi Sabi?
It is an ancient Japanese art form that honors all things old, weathered, worn,
imperfect, and impermanent by finding the beauty in the imperfections. For
instance, if you had a large vase with a big crack down the middle of it, a
Japanese art museum would put the vase on a pedestal and shine a light on
the crack, or they might fill the crack with 24k gold!
Wabi Sabi Love is devoted to exploring the simple, fun, and effective ways to
apply this concept to our love relationships through stories and exercises that
demonstrate how to attain groundbreaking shifts in perception so that you can
embrace and find the beauty and perfection in each other’s imperfections. I
call this “going from annoyed to enjoyed”!
Why did you write this book?
My previous book, The Soulmate Secret, unveiled the principles for attracting
love. I found that my married friends were asking me for a book that would
“turn my mate back into my soulmate.” One of the greatest myths in our
society is that once we find our soulmate, our relationship will be effortless.
If only! According to psychologist and researcher Dr. John Gottman, nearly
every happily married couple has around ten irreconcilable differences. The
top two are money and kids. The other biggies are sex, in-laws, housework,
communication, balance between home and work, and political views. Wabi
Sabi Love is a book that offers ways to turn conflict into compassion and
create a more loving relationship. It shows you how to cultivate love for
yourself and your partner, especially on the days when one of you is acting
out, refusing to listen, or shutting down.
What is the benefit of Wabi Sabi Love?
Here are the sad but true facts about marriage today: 50 percent of first
marriages, 67 percent of second marriages, and 74 percent of third marriages
all end in divorce. Modern-day society has conditioned us to seek perfection,
which leads to an ongoing state of frustration and dissatisfaction. In truth, we
all know that perfection is not possible. But with Wabi Sabi Love, we can
come to appreciate our own and the other’s imperfection, and can actually
experience a more natural state of grace than we thought possible.
By practicing Wabi Sabi Love, you learn to accept the flaws, imperfections,
and limitations—as well as the gifts and blessings—that form your shared
history as a couple. Acceptance and its counterpart, understanding, are
crucial to achieving relationship harmony. It’s the highest form of love, and,
like most things worth striving for in life, it requires patience, commitment,
personal responsibility, and practice. Imagine how great you will feel when
you know your partner loves all of you all the time—the good, the bad, and
everything in between!
You believe couples should wear “rose-colored glasses” when it comes
to seeing each other. Why?
Research by Sandra Murray, a psychologist at the University of Buffalo,
reveals that putting on “rose-colored glasses” and idealizing our partner
actually leads to more happiness and satisfaction in relationship. In fact, the
happiest couples focus on what’s right and not on what’s wrong. This is also
known as the Pygmalion effect, the phenomenon in which the greater the
expectation placed upon people, the better they perform. It’s a form of self-
fulfilling prophecy. As mature adults, we get to choose our thoughts and
beliefs; so why not intend and expect the best out of ourselves and our
partners?
How do you “go from annoyed to enjoyed” when your partner does
something that truly makes you crazy?
First, you must be willing to make a shift in your perception and see your
mate’s behavior through a new, gentler, and kinder lens. Chances are, you
see their behavior as “wrong or bad,” but imagine for a moment that this
behavior exists solely to teach you how to become a more loving,
compassionate person. Can you find the gift of that behavior? One of my
favorite stories in the book is about a couple named Ed and Deb. Ed loves to
meet new people and tell silly jokes. Deb has heard all of these silly jokes a
million times and is often annoyed because when they are out and about
running errands, she always ends up waiting for him while he is busy
entertaining strangers. One day, after Deb found herself waiting for Ed for
the third time in less than an hour—and her frustration was reaching new
heights—she observed Ed befriending a lonely little boy sitting on the curb
waiting for his mother. She heard Ed say to the boy, “How does a camel hide
in the desert?” The boy gave him a quizzical look, and then Ed delivered the
punch-line: “Camelflage.”
With that, the boy burst into laughter just as his mother approached, giving
Ed a big smile. It was at that moment that Deb, after a decade of marriage,
finally got Ed’s true nature. He wasn’t trying to make her crazy at all. He just
wanted to make people happy. And on that day, Deb found the beauty and
perfection in what once made her nearly insane!
What steps can readers take immediately to become more loving?
It all comes down to choice. We can choose to find our partner’s behavior
really annoying, or we can peer behind it to what’s really going on.
Sometimes that requires taking a deep breath and a step back to look at the
Big Picture. Humor really helps.
THE WABI SABI LOVE QUIZ
HOW WABI SABI ARE YOU?
Wabi Sabi is an ancient Japanese art form that honors all things old,
weathered, worn, imperfect, and impermanent by finding the beauty in the
imperfections. Arielle Ford’s new book, Wabi Sabi Love: The Ancient Art of
Finding Perfect Love in Imperfect Relationships, shows you how to find the
beauty and perfection in your own and your mate’s imperfections.
Take this quiz to find out where you fall on the spectrum of Wabi Sabi Love.
Are you a perfectionist?
A) Yes—all the time, about nearly everything.
B) Most of the time.
C) Not really.
If you walk past a frame on a wall that is slightly askew, you:
A) Must straighten it immediately.
B) Notice it but keep walking and eventually straighten it.
C) Rarely notice it, but if you do, it doesn’t bother you.
Your spouse has some quirky behaviors or traits that you find:
A) Annoying to the point of
unbearable at times.
B) Unattractive, and you wish
you could change them.
C) Unusual, but they make him
or her even more loveable!
When your partner engages in one of his or her idiosyncracises (laughing too
loudly, tailgating,picking lint off your shoulder), you:
A) Cringe and then criticize him or her.
B) Silently judge your partner but usually keep quiet.
C) Make a joke or light of the situation.
How true is this statement for you?: How my partner behaves and treats me
determines whether or not I am happy.
A) Yes, this is true for me.
B) Often this is true for me.
C) Rarely this is true for me.
Your partner has a passion for something you can’t stand (fishing, watching
football, video games, shopping, etcetera). Your usual response is:
A) To encourage him or her to give
it up, and you refuse to participate.
B) You don’t like it, but
you begrudgingly give your
partner the space to indulge his
or her passion.
C) You decide to find a way to
join in the fun in a way that
works for both of you.
Your partner cheats on you. He or she is really sorry, agrees to go to
counseling, and is desperate to find a way to regain your trust and make your
relationship work. Your response:
A) No possible way.
You Cheated. We’re done.
Zero tolerance rule applies.
B) You might be open to
counseling, but a liar is a liar,
and you are pretty sure you
can never trust them again.
C) You are hurt, but in your
heart believe that everyone deserves a second chance.
You and your partner are travelling when you discover your partner has
forgotten his or her passport at security. You:
A) Berate your partner for being
so careless.
B) Get mad, but quickly move
into action mode to retrieve it.
C) Race back to security to
ensure your partner can fly
with you.
Your favorite movie is on one channel; your partner’s favorite show airs at
the same time. You:
A) Tell your partner to watch it
on the other TV.
B) Flip a coin to see who wins.
C) Offer a compromise to
record one and watch the other first.
You and your partner have many significant issues that you disagree on. This
means that:
A) You are essentially
incompatible and probably
shouldn’t even be together.
B) These are often points of
conflict, but you are doing
your best to find ways to
compromise.
C) You don’t have to agree
on everything to be happy together.
RESULTS
Total up the number of answers you have for:
A’s ____
B’s ____
C’s ____
If your answers are mostly A’s:
Learn how to be more accepting of the imperfections in yourself and others—
read Wabi Sabi Love today!
You are a perfectionist and highly value structure, order, and having things
“just so.” You may even find things that are not “perfect” painful to see, hear,
or observe. Embracing the Wabi Sabi concept of finding beauty and
perfection in imperfection will be a real challenge for you, but it is essential to
establishing lasting happiness in your relationship.
If your answers are mostly B’s:
You’re not quite there yet, but reading Wabi Sabi Love will help you become
a full-fledged Wabi Sabi artisan.
Finding beauty and perfection in imperfection may sound a little odd to you,
but with some practice, you can increase your level of joy, wonder, and
happiness by viewing you and your partner in your natural light!
If your answers are mostly C’s:
Congratulations! You are a natural when it comes to Wabi Sabi Love. This
book will reinforce your beliefs and expand your appreciation for the
imperfect. Your Wabi Sabi Love artisanship is contagious; so be sure to share
it with others wherever you are. As the saying goes, love makes the world go
’round. Thank you for doing your part!
To learn more, please visit www.WabiSabiLove.com ;
 |
| |
 |
| Inner Realm Monthly Feature |
Arielle Ford is a highly influential personality in the personal growth and contemporary spirituality movement. For the past twenty-five years, she has been promoting consciousness through all forms of media. Her stellar career includes years as a prominent book publicist, author, literary agent, TV lifestyle reporter, television producer, radio host, publishing consultant, relationship expert, speaker, columnist, and blogger for the Huffington Post. Arielle is the author of eight books, including the international bestseller, The Soulmate Secret: Manifest the Love of Your Life with the Law of Attraction. She lives in La Jolla, California with her husband/soulmate, Brian Hilliard and their feline friends. For more information, please visit www.WabiSabiLove.com ; and www.ArielleFord.com. ; |
